Waiting for an Apology from Someone Who Hasn’t Done the Work

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We often hold onto pain, replaying moments in our heads, waiting for an apology that feels necessary to heal. The kind of apology that acknowledges the depth of the wound, not just a quick “sorry” to ease tension. The kind of apology that carries understanding, accountability, and change.


But what happens when the person you’re hoping will apologize hasn’t even begun to look inward?


That’s a truth I’ve had to sit with. A hard one.

Because healing doesn’t happen in isolation. It’s relational. We long to be seen, heard, and understood — especially by those who hurt us.


So I’ll ask you a question I had to ask myself:

Has the person you’re waiting on done any of their own healing?

Have they shown real curiosity about how their actions affected you?

Have they tried to hold their own pain with compassion instead of lashing it out on you?


If not… how can they possibly engage in your healing when they haven’t even touched their own?


People who avoid their wounds often continue wounding others — sometimes unintentionally, sometimes carelessly. And while it’s not fair, it’s common.


I used to believe that if I explained myself better, if I was more patient, more “understanding,” then maybe they’d finally get it.

But I’ve come to learn this: you cannot expect emotional accountability from someone who hasn’t even started the journey inward. You can’t hand someone the tools for your liberation when they’ve refused to pick up their own.


It’s not about bitterness.

It’s about acceptance.


Accepting that not everyone will grow at the same pace.

Accepting that some people may never be ready to face their reflection.

And accepting that your healing doesn’t have to be put on hold because they won’t meet you where you need to be met.


You don’t need their apology to heal.

You don’t need them to say the perfect words to be set free.

Freedom comes from acknowledging your pain, honoring your truth, and choosing to move forward — with or without their understanding.


Sometimes, closure isn’t a conversation.

It’s a decision.


And today, I choose to stop waiting.

To stop handing my healing over to someone who isn’t ready to hold it with care.

And I choose, instead, to free myself — for real.


Follow me on twitter for updates https://x.com/FlareflourishF

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