How I Explain My Illness to New People

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Explaining fibromyalgia to someone new is one of the hardest things I have to do. Not because I’m ashamed — but because it’s exhausting having to defend something that’s invisible.


When someone asks, “So what exactly is fibromyalgia?” I have to take a deep breath. How do you describe something that affects every part of your life without sounding like you’re complaining?



So, I usually say something like this..“It’s a chronic illness that affects my nerves and muscles. My body constantly feels pain, stiffness, and fatigue — even if I haven’t done anything. It also affects my sleep, my memory, and sometimes even how I speak or read think clearly. I live in a body that doesn’t heal properly and constantly feels like it’s been through a storm, even when I look okay on the outside.Sometimes I get blank stares. Sometimes sympathy. And sometimes, the dreaded response:

“But you look fine.”


Yes — I look fine. I’ve learned how to smile through it, to hide the pain behind makeup or laughter, because it’s easier than explaining the full story every single time. But that doesn’t mean I’m not struggling.


I also tell people that:

  • I have good days and bad days — and the bad days aren’t always visible.

  • I’m not lazy, unreliable, or avoiding them — my body doesn’t follow a schedule.

  • I might cancel plans last minute or go quiet — not because I don’t care, but because I’m trying to manage pain or sensory overload.

  • It’s not “just stress.” It’s a real, long-term illness that has no cure. I’m doing my best every day to live with it.


    The hardest part is when people minimize it, or offer “quick fixes” like:

    • “Just exercise more”

    • “Cut gluten”

    • “Think positive”


    If only it were that easy.


    I don’t need a cure from a stranger — I just need compassion. I need understanding. I need someone who hears me and says, “I believe you.”


    Because the truth is — explaining fibromyalgia isn’t about getting attention. It’s about being seen. It’s about making invisible pain just a little more visible, so I don’t have to feel like I’m carrying it alone.


    So if you’re new in my life, just know:

    I might be quiet sometimes. I might cancel plans. I might seem tired or out of it.

    But I’m still me — just doing the best I can in a body that feels like it’s fighting against me every day.


         Follow me on twitter for updates https://x.com/FlareflourishF

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