Bridging the Gap

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                   Helping the Older Generation Understand Fibromyalgia


One of the hardest parts of living with fibromyalgia isn’t just the pain, the fatigue, or the unpredictable flares—it’s the lack of understanding, especially from those who come from an older generation.


For many of us, our parents, grandparents, and even older family doctors were raised in a time when chronic illnesses were either visible or didn’t exist in their world at all. If you weren’t in a wheelchair, didn’t have a cast, or weren’t bedridden with a high fever, then you weren’t really sick. Fibromyalgia, with its invisible and often misunderstood symptoms, doesn’t fit into the kind of illnesses they were taught to recognize.


“Back in My Day, We Just Pushed Through”

How many of us have heard this? The belief that pain is just a part of life and should be ignored or “pushed through” is deeply ingrained in older generations. While resilience is admirable, fibromyalgia is not just about feeling a little sore or tired—it’s a complex neurological condition that affects the nervous system, causing widespread pain, fatigue, cognitive difficulties, and a host of other symptoms.

The difference is that “pushing through” for someone with fibromyalgia often leads to severe flares, leaving us in bed for days or weeks. Yet, because they don’t see this pain, it’s hard for them to grasp just how debilitating it can be.


“The Doctor Says There’s Nothing Wrong With You”

Older generations tend to place a lot of trust in doctors—especially those who were trained before fibromyalgia was widely recognized. When tests come back “normal,” they assume that means we are fine. They struggle to accept that medicine is always evolving and that some illnesses don’t show up on standard bloodwork or imaging.

This can lead to frustration on both sides. We feel unheard and dismissed, while they may believe we’re exaggerating or simply need to “think positively.”


Bridging the Understanding Gap

So, how do we help them understand? How do we explain something they can’t see, something they may never fully relate to?

1. Use Analogies They Can Relate To

Instead of explaining fibromyalgia in medical terms, try using comparisons they understand. For example:

• “Imagine having the flu every single day, but instead of getting better, it never fully goes away.”

• “It’s like my body is stuck in a car crash recovery mode—except I was never in an accident.”

• “Think of it like a broken pain alarm system. My brain thinks I’m in pain even when there’s no injury.”


2. Share Personal Experiences, Not Just Facts

Instead of just saying, “Fibromyalgia causes fatigue,” try sharing what that actually feels like:

• “I wake up feeling like I haven’t slept at all, even if I got eight hours of rest.”

• “My arms feel like they’ve been lifting weights all day, even if I’ve done nothing.”

• “Some days, even brushing my hair feels exhausting.”


3. Be Patient, but Set Boundaries

It’s frustrating when someone you love doesn’t understand your struggles, but many older people don’t mean to be dismissive. They simply can’t grasp what they’ve never experienced. Try to be patient, but also set boundaries. If certain comments or attitudes are hurtful, it’s okay to say, “I know you don’t fully understand, but I need you to trust me when I say this is real.”


4. Share Reliable Resources

Sometimes, hearing it from a professional can help. There are great articles and documentaries about fibromyalgia from trusted sources like the Mayo Clinic, the National Fibromyalgia Association, and even personal stories from others with the condition. Sharing these might help validate your experience in their eyes.


Flare & Flourish: Finding Support and Understanding

At Flare & Flourish, I created this space because I know what it’s like to feel misunderstood. The pain, the fatigue, the frustration of having to explain your illness over and over again—it’s exhausting. But you are not alone. Whether your family understands or not, your experience is real, your pain is valid, and you deserve support.

We can’t force people to understand fibromyalgia, especially if they’ve spent their whole lives believing that pain is just something to be ignored. But we can educate, share, and advocate for ourselves.

If you’re struggling with an older generation that doesn’t understand, know this: you do not need their approval to take care of yourself. Keep protecting your energy, prioritizing your health, and surrounding yourself with those who do believe you.

And for those who do try to understand, even if they don’t fully get it—cherish them. Because in a world that often dismisses invisible illnesses, having even one person who listens can make all the difference.

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Have you struggled with explaining fibromyalgia to an older generation? How did you handle it? Share your experiences in the comments or message me—I’d love to hear your story.


#FlareAndFlourish #FibromyalgiaAwareness #InvisibleIllness #ChronicPain

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